I’m no philosopher, nor am I an expert.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of the internet, asking them to love me.
What Is Love?
According to Oxford, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. But I’ll let you in on a secret. Love is confusing, it’s a bunch of chemicals messing with your head, and it hurts a wee bit. Okay. I lied. It hurts so so bad.
But if it’s not all that, why do we crave it oh so much?
Somebody To Love
I know it is 2020, but the societal pressure of being with someone is still prevalent. Regardless of what your gender, sexuality, or race(unless you like the colour orange) is, you’re expected to have a partner after a certain point.
Most commonly asked questions aimed at me so far:
- OMG, how are you still single?
- I’m sure if a boy doesn’t want you, a woman surely does?
- Have you tried any dating apps?
- I know a friend who’s bi, should I arrange a meetup?
- Listen, you’ve been single forever. Maybe it’s time for something more now?
And more ridiculous questions. Even typing these out gave me second-hand anxiety. But enough about my non-existent love life.
As Long As You Love Me
Seeing how the society we live in has shaped us, our standards, just like our self esteem, is alarmingly low.
We expect so little from most things, we don’t even flinch when we’re met with mediocrity.
“Oh, he has a shitty personality? It’s fine, I’ll just rough it out for a bit and then move on.” “Yikes, that was such a backhanded compliment, but it’s fine I’m sure I’m overreacting.” “Did he really just make some unnecessary comment? It’s whatever I guess I’ll just let that one slide.”
I definitely let so many things slide.
Not everyone has settled, obviously, but I’ve said or heard most of what I’ve mentioned above.
And honestly, it’s not too bad to feel the need for affection from a significant other. But is it really a necessity like most of us consider it to be?
Your Love Is My Drug
The term ‘Love’ like most of us, has been misunderstood on various occasions. Obsession, unhealthy dependency, insatiable attraction, and more have all been mislabeled as love.
A prime example of this would be the popular Netflix series ‘You’. Penn Badgely, the main lead is looked at as a romance icon by some. The man himself looks at his character, Joe, with disgust. And while most share the same opinion as Penn, it goes to show what an all time low expectations have hit.
Settling was never looked at in a positive light, but lately, quite a few have been settling in the fear of not finding someone to spend time with.
Say You Won’t Let Go
Love is so many things: Pleasant, Emotional, Unrequited, and more.
But love is also extremely toxic.
Most relationships these days have so much toxicity in it, the Joker could drown Harley Quinn in it!
Because of how most, if not all, fear loneliness and are eager to settle; they almost always ignore the red flags.
- Extreme dependency on each other. To the point where you cease to exist without them.
- Below the belt remarks. Sarcasm and sass is fine, knowingly saying something that could potentially hurt your partner though? Pure evil.
- Assuming your partner is incapable of doing things.
- Trying to change who they are, not for the better. But to better suit your preferences.
- Telling them what they can or can’t do.
These aren’t obviously my top 5 or the only toxic things I have possibly come across, but toxicity shouldn’t exist in a relationship.
Call your partner out if you think it is heading that way, or do yourself a favor and walk away before things get worse.
Somebody That I Used To Know
I was a wide-eyed teen who believed in fairy tale love stories, true love, and all of that bullshit. And deep down inside, I probably still do. But realistically speaking, whatever Taylor sang about in Love Story was such a lie. My dumb teenage self played that song on repeat so much, I probably broke the repeat button.
But what we failed to pay attention to was that it’s just that, a fairy tale. A dumb, unrealistic, and just agonizing.
Just The Way You Are
With how determined, eager, and borderline desperate most people are to find something sustainable, to not only put in front of the society but also hold on to for themselves. And they often mistake many things as love.
One of the most common things I’ve seen is someone trying to ‘fix’ their partner. Why would you do that in the first place? While changing someone seems good, it can often just mean you are trying to carve out a partner you would like better.
From things like asking them to lose a little weight to look hotter, or wear their hair a certain way. Hell, behavioural changes are even worse. Unless your partner is a baby with caveman eating habits and the IQ of a goldfish, I don’t see the need for you to change them at all.
I know of so many people, myself included who’ve come across these red flags but didn’t do much about it. Why?
“Because they love me, and that’s why they’re doing this.” No sweetie, if they loved you they wouldn’t change you.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase, ‘If you love someone, let them go.’ That’s what you need to do. Set yourself free.
So what have we learned?
- Love is an illusion
- Being single is so last year *insert eyeroll*
- Red flags are the next best thing
- Love = unhealthy obsession for some
- Change is inevitable. But is it really?
But despite all of this, everyone loves being in love. And love is toxic, but who better to love than yourself? Especially when no one else might.