I’ve constantly made an effort to talk about how anxious or depressed social media makes me feel at times. I even talked about the importance of mental health in ‘Never Too Late’. But I’ve noticed a pattern in most of the posts that I put out on here. The common theme for every single one of these seems to be that they’re mostly dark, and it feels like I’m doing just that for you.
So I decided to change things up a little, and talk about things that genuinely make me feel better in these trying times. Everyone has been extremely low at some point in their life, more so during this pandemic. I’m sure going through some of my posts doesn’t usually help that situation. Believe me, I have an extremely difficult time just being in and writing about that space.
I’m probably going to geek out over a few things, but bear with me!
Carry On My Wayward Son
I’m a simple girl. I see two hunks hunting demons, and I’m in! I remember watching Season 3 for the first time on the television back in 2009. It was like love at first sight, not only with the Winchester brothers but with all the lore and the monsters they’d hunt.
Even though it was brief, I didn’t continue watching or thinking about Supernatural until a few years later. I probably stopped because I couldn’t find it anymore, which only made me eventually lose interest. But when I discovered what Torrents were, I ended up looking for Supernatural and managed to download every season that was out by then.
I’ve watched all 14 seasons more times than I’d like, but for some reason, I can’t get myself to even start season 15. I ended up watching the first episode but immediately stopped. I ended up sobbing for a good 20 minutes when I found out that the journey was coming to an end. I know it doesn’t seem likely, but Supernatural in some way has helped me cope with my anxiety on more than one occasion.
Not only did I immerse myself into the SPNFamily, every lore, every monster, every ally, everything seemed more like a part of this bubble I created. I probably sound delusional, but Supernatural bought me more joy than most people I considered friends.
I think the best part of being in the SPNFamily is saying the following:
Luci deserved better
Demons can be kind of sweet
It’s amazing how Death loves pizza
Who knew Angels could be assholes?
God really up and left, huh?
It’s weird how I can talk about every single episode there is, but I wouldn’t remember a thing from any of my school textbooks. From terrible inside jokes to what each character likes and dislikes. I went from rooting for the brothers, to eventually wishing I was a Winchester too. Not that weird of a transition compared to me falling in love with the Devil. I swear he’s a great guy! Just incredibly misunderstood.
And I probably might finish the series for good at some point, but for now letting go is something I don’t want to do.
Just Keep Getting Better
Queer Eye, premiered February 7, 2018, is a reboot of a show of the same name from back in 2003. The show consists of five gay men: Antoni Porowski(Food and Wine), Bobby Berk(Design), Jonathan Van Ness(Grooming), Karamo Brown(Culture and Lifestyle), and Tan France(Fashion). Not only does this show help by making the heroes lives better, but it also forces you to have a conversation about important topics. One of the biggest examples of that would be when the production team decided to surprise the Fab 5 in the episode titled “Dega Don’t”.
On their way to meet their “hero” who just so happened to be a cop, the Fab 5 get pulled over, and Karamo happened to be driving. Along with visible panic on every one of their faces, you can also see how incredibly done Karamo was. While this moment helped start an incredibly uncomfortable conversation later on in the show, it also didn’t age well with how the current situation is like in the country.
My favourite thing about the show is how real and genuine each make-better feels. The Fab 5 aren’t just interested in making over a hero and moving on, they talk, listen, and create a dialogue while also helping them turn their lives over. And with how most of their heroes tend to be straight men (just like the original), these conversations show how vulnerable and real they can be. By enabling the emotion in these heroes, they help eradicate toxic masculinity, which is huge since most of the show takes place in the south.
I have so many favourites, but I love the episode “God Bless Gay”, where the Fab 5 meet Mama Tammye. Not only do we get to see a very vulnerable side of the whole cast, but we also get to hear about Bobby’s relationship with his church and the homophobia that came along with it.
The Fab 5 does so much more than just transforming their hero from drab to fab. But they also help them regain their confidence and show them just how important every little thing is. However, Antoni gets accused of keeping things incredibly simple. But despite that, each cast member shows the hero that they don’t have to completely transform themselves to become a better version of themselves. It’s all in the little things.
I keep going back to watching the entirety of the show. And believe it or not, I never get tired of seeing the same thing over and over. There’s just something so beautiful about witnessing raw human emotion on our screens. It’s nice to see something that isn’t rainbows and sunshine, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be.
And while the show makes me laugh, cry, and just hate myself a little less than I did before, it also shows me that no matter how messy our room or our life is, there is always hope.
But if they ever come to India, can someone please nominate me? I could use some much needed TLC and group hugs from the Fab 5!
My Best Friend
Even though I’ve talked about her in ‘My Girl Alaine’ and ‘What A Wonderful World’, it just isn’t enough! My gorgeous fur baby is the best little thing I have right now because no matter how low I feel, she always seems to make it better.
I found a frail little pupper 6 years ago, but she’s now a healthy moody queen who never fails to make me laugh. I’ve come close to almost losing her, but I’m incredibly thankful for the fact that I didn’t. Because even though she doesn’t live with me, the fact that I get to call her my baby is enough to make me smile.
I remember this one particular day, I couldn’t contain my anxiety or emotions anymore, so I decided to go see her for a bit. It’s so embarrassing to admit this now, but watching her be all cute and cuddly made me cry almost immediately. For a pup who hates cuddles, she didn’t let me go until I felt better. I wasn’t even sure about what got me feeling that way, but what I do remember is how happy seeing her little fluffy face made me.
To further distract myself, I decided to be a proper dog mom and have a little fun. There used to be a time where Alaine loved having her pictures taken. She’d pose for me on most occasions, but she has had a few diva moments. I didn’t even need to bribe her with treats. So I created this persona for her and started posting on Instagram via ‘her’ account. Not only did that help whenever I was low, but it also served the purpose of an online scrapbook.
But I eventually stopped posting, partly because she wouldn’t let me take any more pictures and partly because I didn’t feel like I wanted to continue doing it. I had fun doing it, but it slowly evolved into the toxic habit of constantly taking pictures, uploading it, and constantly checking the likes and follows. Alaine would rather prefer me annoying her with unnecessary cuddles rather than having a phone shoved into her face. I can almost hear her agreeing with this!
Count On Me
And even though I have so many other things that bring me joy, my family and friends have been just as important. I’m not going to lie, I have days where I want nothing to do with either of them, you’ll find me in bed pouting or working on something. And we’re not the emotional kind. We just show that we care in other ways.
There are days when mum would go out of her way to make me my favourite meal, and my dad and I could talk about almost everything under the sun. My aunt loves teasing me about how I don’t post enough on her page, but lately, she tries baking things I ask for, and my nan is just happy whenever I do go and see her. My best friend and I don’t live in the same city, but every time I’ve felt like shit all I have to do is send her a text, and she’ll be there to make me feel better. And I happened to visit Pronoy on Wednesday after such a long time because we’re still working on our podcast. I was so excited to go see him, and I couldn’t stop smiling once I got there. It was either because I was seeing him after an incredibly long time, the fact that he was making me lunch, or I’d get to hang out with his adorable little pup, Flash!
And these aren’t one time things, I’ve had this support for quite some time. “So how are you still anxious and depressed?” There could be so many things that make me feel that way, just because I’m around people who love me, or I can distract myself doesn’t mean I’m not supposed to feel that way. Depression can sneak up on you at any given point, and there doesn’t necessarily have to be a reason for it.
I understand when people say “come talk to us if things bother you”, but as I mentioned in the last post, that doesn’t always mean that they will. We need to educate ourselves when it comes to mental health. But just being there for someone can sometimes be enough. And while I’m privileged enough to have that love and support, I know some don’t. It’s also fine if you don’t want to speak to anyone about what’s on your mind, but know that you’re not alone! We’re all in this together.
I’m sure none of you will come this far, but I just wanted to share a little bit of my joy with you. So if you’ve enjoyed reading this and want to find more of my work, you can find it here.