Never Have I Ever

Despite being from a generation that has an immense amount of self-doubt, it’s surprising how we never question most of what’s happening around us. And it’s not just what’s happening currently, but what’s been for decades now. 

The world is a crazy place, and most of the time making sense of the mess, can be pointless. However, a few ‘kooks’ enjoy detangling these so-called ‘messes’, and that’s where conspiracy theories come from. Okay maybe they don’t, but conspiracy theories are information without proof to back them up, i.e. a mess. You’re welcome.

Let Go of A Theory

If you’ve ever come across a theory that sounds downright absurd, I’d still be that one person who refuses to let it go. Okay not really, even I have my limitations. I mean, even I thought the Area 51 Raid was ridiculous, but I was hoping for them to find aliens. Can you imagine how cool that would be?

But on a serious note, conspiracy theories have always been like a Grimm Brothers tale for me, just IRL. We’ve all had our fair share of theories, and even though I come across an array of interesting theories; the following has to be one of my absolute favourites. Not only does it instantly go from 0 to 100, but it also has everything I like. Zombies, Cannibalism, and Adrenaline.  

When I first heard of the Miami Cannibal Attack, all I could hear was the title track of ‘The Walking Dead’. Headlines about the attack had called him ‘Causeway Cannibal’, but the internet blessed him with a name that stuck – ‘Miami Zombie’. But who was this zombie and why hadn’t we heard much about him?

Without sparing you any gory details, here’s what we know! On May 26, 2012, Rudy Eugene attacked an unsuspecting Ronald Poppo on the McArthur Causeway, Miami, Florida. He approached the homeless man, accusing him of stealing his bible. But when Poppo, confused, denied his claims, Eugene proceeded to lunge at, beat him unconscious, pulling down his pants, and finally chomping off most of his face above the beard; including his left eye. This gory, traumatizing event left Poppo blind in both the eyes and Eugene dead.

The surveillance shows that the attack lasted for 18 minutes before help arrived. Popo was immediately rushed to the Jackson Memorial Hospital, where he underwent multiple facial reconstruction surgeries over months. However, he was still left disfigured and blind. What happened to Eugene? Upon conducting an autopsy, they couldn’t find any human flesh in his stomach, but they came across a few undigested pills. However, the toxicology reports could only identify marijuana, despite toxicologists believing otherwise. 

But what’s the conspiracy? Here’s what I know. Back when this story came out, everyone kept pointing out how America wasn’t saying much regarding this. And especially when this was a very public incident involving a cannibal. I mean, the last time we’d heard of a real-life cannibal was Jeffrey Dahmer. And all of us know how weird that was. But many people believed that this had something to do with Area 51. 

Even though we associate aliens to that specific area, it is usually associated with these secret experiments the government runs. News of this supposed zombie was now linked to Area 51 since every damn thing happens there. But I specifically remember talks about how the Government was preparing themselves for an apocalypse while also creating their own zombies, and Eugene happened to break free. Fearing their plan has been compromised, they decided to get rid of him, which is why he was shot. 

Do we know if this theory is true? No, there is no way of knowing whether this is exactly what happened. But to this day, I’m waiting for the apocalypse, seeing how we heard of so many people preparing for it already. The downside? I live in India, and we can’t just walk into a Walmart and purchase a gun. It’s because we don’t have Walmart or terrible gun laws.

Dismissed The Jonestown Massacre

Even though The People’s Temple was formed in 1955 in Indianapolis, Indiana, it eventually made its way to Barima-Waini, Guyana in 1976. For various political reasons, Jim Jones made the strategic decision to move to a country that he thought was small, poor, and independent enough to easily obtain influence and official protection for him. 

Jim Jones

What started as a little settlement, soon ended up reaching a record-breaking 900 inhabitants solely because Jim Jones was trying to escape the building pressure and allegations by ex temple members in San Francisco. However, this resulted in mass migration, and things were soon to change. 

Jones told the members of The People’s Temple, or Jonestown is a paradise or utopia. But when Jim Jones migrated, things weren’t quite the same. They were promised fun and games, but were instead exposed to political propaganda, long labour hours, and even longer “study sessions”. He even made sure that if people weren’t reading about it enough, then they needed to hear about it. And so he started broadcasting him reading the news over Jonestown’s speakers calling America terms like “imperialist” and “capitalist”, painting them as a villain. However, he sang praises of leaders like Stalin, Kim II-sung, and more. 

If this doesn’t sound as bad, maybe this will change your mind. Prisons and capital punishment didn’t exist in Jonestown, but that didn’t stop them from punishing inhabitants. If this doesn’t sound as bad, maybe this will change your mind. From forcing the children to spend all night at the bottom of the well, to forcing someone to spend time in an uncomfortably small box. Men would patrol the area day and night to ensure no one would escape. On the odd chance that someone does escape, they would inject drugs like Valium, chloral hydrate, etc in the “extended care unit”.

So what really happened? 

Leo Ryan

Things seemed to get tense when Leo Ryan took an interest in the town. Before his visit, Jones ensured that everyone rehearsed to showcase how smooth and well things run in the town. While Ryan couldn’t immediately see through the act, a note passed by two Temple members was enough to understand that things weren’t right. Few of the Temple members, along with their families, asked the Ryan council to escort them outside of the town, and Jones permitted them to leave. 

However, Jones wasn’t going to let people go that easily. Temple member Don “Ujara” Sly attacked Ryan first, but the other’s wrestled the knife out of Sly’s hand and ensured that Ryan filed a criminal complaint against him. However, things just seemed to get terrible at the airstrip. It ended up with most of them dead, including Ryan, who was shot more than 20 times. 

Here’s the thing though, Ryan ended up telling Jones’ people that he would make a good report of his visit, but despite this, Jones ended up saying “I’ve failed”, and “all is lost”. He sounds like a pretty grim dude. But he didn’t just leave it at that. Jones wanted to change things, so he decided to calm his townspeople, asking them to return to their houses. However, he had other plans. 

He held an assembly that was recorded on the “death tape”, at the 44th minute he addresses the crowd:

One of those people on that plane is gonna shoot the pilot, I know that. I didn’t plan it but I know it’s gonna happen. They’re gonna shoot that pilot and down comes the plane into the jungle and we had better not have any of our children left when it’s over, because they’ll parachute in here on us.

He then proceeded to “convince” his townspeople to commit “revolutionary suicide”, since the defectors claimed that “you can go down in history, saying you chose your way to go, and it is your commitment to refuse capitalism and in support of socialism.” One of the first people to commit the act happened to be Ruletta Paul and her one-year-old infant. Many other mothers and children made their way to the tub filled with poison, while some were injected with it against their will. And once the poison started to show effects, many adults were “reluctant to die”. 

While there were close to 200 deaths, the lone medical examiner rounded the number up to a 70. But while many people lost their lives in the “mass suicide”, including Jones, a huge number of people managed to survive and escape the town right after this took place. So what’s the conspiracy?

There are so many theories surrounding this particular event. But the most popular one happens to be the number of bodies found by the officials, both the Guyanese army and the U.S. Military. Even though 500 members escaped the town, the Guyanese army happened to “find” 408 bodies. And when the U.S. Military came around, that body count quickly rose from 700 to 780, and then finally settled in on 909. They made claims about how the Guyanese army didn’t know how to count, and the 400 odd bodies were stacked in a way where the 500 could hide in plain sight. At the end of this ordeal though, only 167 Jonestown residents were reported to have survived.

What do you think happened on that fateful day in Jonestown?

Understood The Hype Surrounding Beyoncé

We’ve discussed two grim theories, so let’s take a look at something light. I mean I’m assuming most of you know who Beyoncé, fondly known as “Queen Bey” is. But if you don’t, I’ll quickly sum it up for you. According to Wikipedia, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter is an American singer, songwriter, record producer, dancer, and actress. She rose to fame in the late 1990s as the lead singer of Destiny’s Child, one of the best-selling girl groups of all time. 

So what’s this conspiracy all about?

Well, she isn’t just Queen Bey, but she is allegedly the leader of the Illuminati. Who is the Illuminati? According to Wikipedia, The Illuminati is a name given to several groups, both real and fictitious. Historically, the name usually refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on 1 May 1776 in Bavaria, today part of Germany. In the following several years, the group was vilified by conservative and religious critics who claimed that they continued underground and were responsible for the French Revolution.

But how did everyone come about to this conclusion?

It all started with her husband, Jay Z. Theorists have associated him with the group, since 1999. Due to his extremely successful streak, many conspiracy theorists speculated that this exceeded his talent and that he is a member of the Illuminati. Another thing that cemented this claim is that the signature hand symbol JayZ has in Roc Nation. This involves him holding both his palms up, creating a triangle – which is the symbol for the Illuminati. And theorists lost their minds when Bey did the same hand gesture at her 2013 Super Bowl performance, which to them felt like she was pledging her allegiance to the group. 

There are so many other points about how her videos portray symbolism, especially a few that hints at her double life as the Queen of the Illuminati. They also happen to link her rise to the untimely demise of R&B singer Aaliyah in 2010. Many claims that she was trying to escape the clutches of the Illuminati, so she had to be terminated. And because the music industry needed a queen, so Beyoncé went ahead to take her place. 

While Jay Z and Beyoncé aren’t the only celebrities associated with the group, they are the most prominent. It got so ridiculous that Beyoncé had to clarify it with a simple line in her 2016 hit “Formation”, saying “Y’all haters corny with that Illuminati mess.” But it wasn’t ever acknowledged by theorists. 

What do you think of this one? Do you think she is the Queen of the Illuminati? 

I may not be an avid conspiracy theorist, but I love the fact that so many theories exist. Because at the end of the day, they’re just theories without any proof to back it up, and I’m not mad about that. Do you have a favourite theory? Let me know what it is, and I might look into it. 
Also, should I do another one of these, because I have a few more theories that I’d love to talk about? Everyone in favour, say “aye” in the comments! And if you enjoyed this read, you can find more of my work here.

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