If You’re Not The One

I happened to post “Baby Don’t Hurt Me.” on Valentine’s Day because I needed something to be up on the blog. It’s been a year, and while I’d still like to believe that, it was so much more than just a filler post. 

I was a bitter individual who was tired of seeing “love” and everything that comes with it everywhere I looked. It’s not like I feel I need a partner to survive the day, it’s just godawful at best to watch everyone indulge in a day that glorifies something not many of us know much about. 

I’ve always said no one needs a special day to profess their love to anyone. You can do that irrespective of what the date is. And I know I still sound bitter, but Valentine’s day has always felt like the biggest sham.

How Deep Is Your Love?

It’s the same thing every year. Everyone is scrambling to get heart-shaped chocolates, cards, or plan something special for their Valentines. And sure, that can be cute or acceptable for some, but all I’ve wanted to do is curl up in bed with some red wine and binge watch as many rom-coms as possible. 

But let’s forget about my disappointing plans for the day. I’ve always wondered how the holiday even came about, haven’t you?

According to the World Wide Web, this day came about because of a Saint named Valentine in the Third Century AD. He was a priest around the time Emperor Claudius II ruled over Rome. The Emperor decided to ban marriages because he believed married men make terrible soldiers (I don’t understand the logic, but heteros amirite?). St. Valentine couldn’t deal with allowing unmarried people to thrive, so he decided to arrange marriages in secret. The Emperor found out, imprisoned him, and that’s where the priest fell in love with the jailor’s daughter. He wanted to write her a letter before being taken away on February 14th. He signed it “From Your Valentine”, and that’s how it all started. 

It could be a plausible theory, and I think it’s nothing but a story. But this is the most common story many associate with the day. Another theory revolves around a Christian celebration to remember St. Valentine and how it eventually became the commercial holiday we all know and love (mostly) today. 

Movies, Tv-Shows, Music videos, and more heavily influence many when it comes to Valentine’s day. I wouldn’t say they glorify the day, but it feels like you’re missing out on something just because of how it is a thing now. And unfortunately for me, I’ve given in to the urge of feeling terrible just because I didn’t have a significant other to celebrate and exchange gifts with. 

It almost feels like being single is bad. But that isn’t the case, because in many Asian countries there are other days like a White and Black day. What is the significance of either of these days? On White day, March 14, an individual reciprocates by gifting something back to their partner for Valentine’s day. However, if you haven’t received anything on either of those days, you celebrate Black day. How? By going to the noodle shop on April 14 to eat black noodles and celebrate your single life.

Try A Little Tenderness

I previously talked about how mediocrity has become such a thing last year. And while I haven’t settled for it, that hasn’t gone away. The society calls itself out for celebrating the bare minimum for any gender, yet we continue to do it. 

I love to call out straight men on their behaviour, but toxicity and dumbassery is a thing all of us showcase as often as we can. And I keep blaming dating apps for giving us the platform to showcase this. But it is our version of romance that seems to be the problem.  

I remember discussing this with a friend, and we ended up talking about the pros and cons. We aren’t shaming anyone for their idea of romance. We’re just coming to terms with how our version of it almost seems impossible. 

Dating, or Falling in Love, isn’t the same for all of us. While most people tend to look at hookups as the new way of letting out steam, relationships continue to get scarce. Again, I’m not trying to sound bitter, it’s just something I’ve come across so often, I got tired of it. 

No, I didn’t get tired of holding on to the idea of romance. I got tired of having to deal with what it has become right now. Not only is it utterly disappointing coming across emotionally unavailable people putting themselves out there because they don’t know what they want, but it is also exhausting having to keep doing this. 

So why do this if it continues to bother me?

I Want To Hold Your Hand

I know this doesn’t sound believable, but the number of times I’ve thrown a bitch fit only because I wanted someone to hold my hand is ridiculous. And what’s worse is that I don’t even like holding hands. Yet somehow, the mere thought of this intimacy is what makes me crave any kind of affection from a partner. 

At this point, I don’t even want romance. I want to be comfortable enough to speak to someone, hold their hand, and platonically shower them with love and affection. Sure, I have my best friend for some of it, but you get what I mean. 

The idea of putting myself out there has always been terrifying because nothing is comforting about having to communicate with a possible dumbass. And even though I momentarily found someone to share all of this with, it went downhill once they solely depended on the relationship because they didn’t know better. And I say this as if I do, but I know what I don’t want. And it’s a toxic individual to share my time with. 

I remember appreciating a partner, solely because they were not a straight male. And it’s dangerous dating someone just because they’re a woman. Sure, it was an emotional experience rather than a physical one. But despite being able to get a lot of what I was looking for, it still turned out to be an unhealthy ‘relationship’ for me. 

If I know what I want, why am I complaining about it?

Time After Time

 One of the most common things many say to me is that:

  • You’re looking for love in the wrong place 
  • You should just suck it up and have fun while you can
  • You have so many options, why are you complaining?

While I’m not going to throw a bitch fit about the first thing, the other two have always gravely bothered me. Why? Because not only is it weird to think I have more options than you because of my sexuality, sleeping with someone for the heck of it will never be my thing. 

Do I think romance is dead? Yes. Will I stop indulging my unhealthy need for love and affection? Absolutely not. 

The amount of times many acquaintances have told me to forget about dating apps and register on marriage websites is alarmingly high. Why? Because they think that this is the only way I could have an actual relationship. And that never ceases to blow my mind. 

And I know this whole section makes no sense. However, I cannot help but rant about it because of how ridiculous it sounds. It’s almost cementing my fear of being ‘left alone’ because I can’t seem to get on with the idea of modern romance. And while finding love isn’t going to fulfil my purpose, it doesn’t hurt to have someone you can call yours.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

One of the many things I pointed out in last year’s post was how most people are desperate to settle for anything that resembles love. While that hasn’t changed for myself and many more, I’ve come to realise that it’s the company we crave rather than the emotion. 

Many of us tend to overlook any red flags because we want somebody to love. But since the pandemic, we crave simple things like a hug, holding someone’s hand, being able to look at their face while we share a meal, and more. 

Sure, we’re able to do a bit of that right now. But the pandemic has been ideal for dating apps. Not only did the number of people joining get higher, but it was also a way for most of us to connect with just about anyone. While there’s nothing wrong with that, this further rendered the app useless because it wasn’t serving the purpose most assumed it would. 

And no matter what, it is always demanding to meet and speak with new people, especially on a dating app amid a pandemic. And now that Valentine’s day is here, it just feels even more lonely. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know most people will give in to this bs, but dating apps would surely end up being a place for lonely singles either trying to make plans to survive this ridiculous day or hook up for the heck of it. 

What’s your take on Valentine’s day, modern love and dating apps?  

And if you want to read more of my work, you can find it here!

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